some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he puts the penis in happiness.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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