No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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