things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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