I bet he comes in French.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
