just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
