Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize