why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
