So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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