I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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