Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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