when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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