so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
