highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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