I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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