I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
