She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
