I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
