He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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