My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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