Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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