Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
