Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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