mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
