I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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