i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
