Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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