using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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