he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
