Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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