just tell him i said nine months
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
