piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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