he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
