My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize