im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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