I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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