If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
