You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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