if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
