You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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