I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize