bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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