woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wear drunk well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
