At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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