I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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