woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
