If i come over, it means nothing
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
