I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
