Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
