i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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