her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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