Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
