Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
