I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He did a backflip because drugs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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