god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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