In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
