I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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