He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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