I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
