You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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