so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bring me that man meat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
