you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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