I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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