I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
