Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
