I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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