Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
