By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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