well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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