do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
